Working on Me!

Alright so I think it’s time to let you all in on why I have been a little quiet around here this past year. I would usually start off a post by saying, “Sorry everyone, I’ve been a little MIA but I really needed a social media break.” Although this is all true, it goes much deeper than that. I’ve created this Funky and Little community through social media based on sharing real life as a mom and producing authentic and adorable children’s clothing. So it’s felt strange to not let you all in on what I’ve been doing every Wednesday at noon for the past year. I wasn’t ashamed of what I was doing, I was simply spent during those afternoons. It was a personal time that made me quite sensitive and emotionally drained. Unfortunately due to that, Funky and Little had to take a back seat and my personal welfare became my priority. I knew I would eventually tell you when the time was right.

Last year was probably one of my hardest years. I had slipped into a place that I didn’t quite recognize. I have always been happy-go-lucky Joey but suddenly the pressures of motherhood, marriage and my business had become so overwhelming that I could hardly breath at times. I was experiencing more mini breakdowns than ever. I was living in so much pain, constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough day after day. I also knew that I had a pair of little eyes on me and I couldn’t let him see and potentially follow the same path I seemed to be on. 

So I made the decision last November to seek professional help and began to search for a therapist. I needed this more than I thought and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I would show up every Wednesday to talk about my feelings, even on the days I didn’t want to go. At first our conversations were a bit on the surface because there was a piece of me that was still attempting to protect my feelings like I had always done in the past. But as the months went on, my walls started coming down and I began to share my true feelings. They would start flowing out of my mouth the minute I sat on the bright green couch. I had a safe space where I could truly say how I felt without being judged. I gained confidence through my talks with my therapist on how I can communicate with my loved ones in a healthy way. Before therapy, I would often just act like things didn’t bother me when in actuality they did…things that I didn’t think bothered me would build and build until I would explode, and that explosion was never pretty. It was a vicious cycle I was in and I knew this pattern had to end. I took every opportunity while I was in therapy to roll up my sleeves and get to work because I knew there was something greater happening. I was finally giving myself and my family peace and I knew I was breaking the toxic patterns that didn’t serve me. It really wasn’t easy opening up at therapy week after week, digging deep and trying to make sense of the root of the problem. But once I got there a sense of self-awareness and a shift in perspective allowed the negative chatter in my head to no longer have center stage. I was having honest conversations with my family and friends even if they didn’t want to hear it at times. I found my voice, my strength, and I was no longer going to accept less anymore. I was finally coming to terms with what I deserved and what my worth truly meant. I always falsely exuded an air of confidence but that was all a front. From a very young age, events from my childhood created stories in my head telling me that I wasn’t good enough no matter how hard I tried. As a child, I always felt judged by my community because of choices that were out of my control. Constantly being let down by the one person I desperately wanted in my life, my father, led me to lose trust in people. But I am no longer holding on to the anger. I now understand that I was ultimately loved but unfortunately my father did not have the right tools to make better choices like I am now able to do. I always knew he loved me but he was always letting me down. Sitting in my living room for hours as I stared passed the blinds waiting for him to pick me up then realizing that he wasn’t going to show up caused me to gain a distrust in people and so much more. I’ve worked through these issues and I now know that I deserved better than that and I also know that if my father had the right tools he would have possibly made different decisions. 

This year has been hard shuffling through these thoughts, feelings and emotions that I hid away for 35 years but it had to be done. I needed to heal and break patterns that have been ultimately holding me back from so much. I am incredibly grateful for the progress I have made this year, and for the love and support that my family and friends have shown me through my roller coaster of emotions. But most importantly I am proud of myself for taking that first step and getting professional help. It was truly the best thing that I have ever done for myself, my family and my business. I am in no way a mental health guru but I just wanted to share my journey and what I have been focusing on this year. If you feel like you need help with mental health issues, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Check into what your health insurance covers as most companies are starting to offer mental health benefits. If that is not an option, here are a few resources you could check out. 

www.openpathcollective.org

www.nami.org

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Headspace: Meditation & Sleep App

Stop, Breath & Think App

Calm App